James Joyce is:

Hideously overrated

Virginia Woolf in sheep's clothing

No Michael Crichton

Bad music, thy name is:

Dave Matthews

Jewel

Missy Elliot

Independent filmmaking is:

Très chic, n'est-ce pas?

A boondoggle

Only for ugly people

Within the last twenty-four hours, you have probably:

Worried about the orphans

Wished you had a Chihuahua

Touched a penis

Within the next twenty-four hours, you will probably:

Enjoy a cool, refreshing serving of O'Doule's non-alcoholic beer

Touch a penis

C and D

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